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The Mystery of Laundry Unfolds

After conquering the dishwasher last week I suddenly remembered that I had to do my laundry. Shortly after that I remembered that I still hadn’t folded my laundry from last week, or the week before. Then I remember that I didn’t have any dryer sheets.

My hamper sits bloated in my room

This isn’t because I am clueless when it comes to laundry, it is due to the fact that laundry in an apartment is much easier.

When you live in an apartment building you have two options of how you want to do your laundry. The first being to use the communal laundry room on the first floor, and the second being that you go to the laundromat down the street.

I was a big fan of the latter back in Brooklyn. Going to the laundromat made everything so easy; if you needed detergent they have it, dryer sheets too, and there was that huge table area to fold all your clothes when you were done.

Needless to say that the biggest obstacle of doing laundry in the house you live in is doing it the whole way through.

This got me thinking so I had Adam and Marcus come up with a list of the reasons why laundry can’t get done:

1. There isn’t enough time to do all of it.

2. Deciding the proper setting on the machines.

3. Lack of dryer sheets.

4. Pairing socks never seems to add up.

5. How did your clothes get in my laundry?

Now of course these are somewhat unique to my home but still I feel that they are all valid.

Personally I feel that the lack of table space put aside for folding is the biggest pain in the butt when it comes to household laundry. Since the washer and dryer are in my bedroom I have developed the fool-proof system of taking the clean clothes out of the dryer and throwing them directly onto my couch. This goes on until I need my couch and then they get folded and put away.

Marcus also has trouble folding his clothes, he said, “On average I probably folder my clothes anywhere from 45 minutes to three days after they’re done drying.”

Meanwhile Adam just leaves his clothes in the dryer until someone throws them on the floor.

Clean unfolded clothes occupy my futon.

I suggest avoiding all of our systems of folding clothes and essentially finishing your laundry, mainly because they’re all horrible. (Take my own advice? I guess I could give it a shot.)

Now the major difference between the house and the laundromat is that at the laundromat the washer and dryer doors are both on the same face of the machines, unlike at home.

Adam expressed his frustration with this lack of convenience saying, “Laundry isn’t sex. You should be able to keep your junk in the same position.”

This was the best way to state this argument because it puts it in terms that every single man on the planet can both understand and agree on. (I’m talking about the laundry of course.)

Anyway it is apparent that an innovation needs to be made in laundry for those of us that just can’t seem to perform the entire task.The obvious solution is a hamper that makes the dirty clothes smell fresh while they sit there, then washes, dries, folds, sorts, and stores them all on its own. Personally I see this coming before the 2016 Olympics, but just in case it doesn’t here are the steps for doing laundry:

(Before step 1 this is what the washer and dryer look like.)

The machines responsible for my confusion.

(Dryer is on the left and washer on the right.)

1. Separate clothes into whites and colors. (Gray is white not a color.)

2. Wash each load separately. (Use detergent for colors and bleach for whites.)

3. Place clothes in the dryer and turn it on. (Colors and whites can dry together.)

4. Take dry clothes and fold them.

5. Put the folded clothes away. (Here’s an example from the last time I did it.)

Nice neat folded clothes in my dresser drawer

I know it’s easier said than done but I guess we all need to learn some time. That hopefully it as far as mechanical washing goes, next week we’re going outside to the backyard. Maybe I’ll even figure out how a garden hose works?