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Lazy Grass Won’t Grow on its Own

Today we are leaving the safety and comfort of the house, and going out to the backyard. I have been waiting a long time to do this, mainly because I have absolutely no clue of what to do out there.

This is the first backyard I have ever had in my life. That is of course if you don’t count the parking lot behind my old apartment building in Brooklyn. The biggest disappointment of this is that there is no grass in my backyard.

Plant food and a stick, the only tools you need.

In my dreams leading up to living in this house backyards were a place with grass and plants and space to run. I guess that this is because of my grandmother’s old house in Long Island.

My backyard is my own little piece of desert, not the green patch that I’m so desperately yearning for, but in the end it is still an improvement.

My own little patch of desert.

Anyway, enough of my complaining, these are the key things I have learned about the backyard so far:

1. Grass doesn’t grow on its own, you need to plant seeds. (I know that this sounds idiotic on my part but in NYC there are so few places with an abundance of grass that it just looks like it was meant to be there. Honestly I always just assumed that they built the parks around the grass and no the other way around.)

If you plant them, they will grow.

2. Water hoses are not your friend when they are pointing at you. (No one ever realizes how much punch a garden hose can pack when its being held point-blank.)

This is how the hose gets water. After 7 tries eventually you'll get it.

3. You shouldn’t put your grill under the shade cover or else it might potentially light it on fire. (Don’t ask. I promise that one wasn’t my fault.)

4. For those of you who cut your own hair, wind isn’t constant. Assuming that the wind will blow away your trimmings doesn’t work as well as you think.

I know that some of these are obvious, but to someone who has never had to worry about them before they are an overwhelming concern. That or I am completely wrong and you need to tell me if I am.

That’s it for this week, I still need to get more adept to this outdoor side of house living before I start giving advice. Actually maybe some of you should give me advice if you know better. Until next time keep wandering your homes and when that little voice in the back of your head says that something is a bad idea, it probably is.

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